Cleaning

I love cleaning. Ever since I moved out of my parent's house I turned into this clean, organized, everything has it's place kind of person.  My husband often makes jokes with others about how OCD I am. I love order and I associate dirtiness with chaos. My house for the most part is kept very clean, however if I know people are coming over I always do a good run through of dusting, vacumming, etc. (I think most people are like this.)
Last week we had several people to our house one night and as I was sweeping before they got there I had an interesting thought. How often do I try to do a "good run through" before entering God's presence? I find myself often disengaged during a worship service the first few minutes trying to tidy up, justifying any bad actions and trying to make my heart look nice before the Lord. I think many people have somehow picked up this habit as well. Somewhere in being a good church person meant having a perfect life, free of anything that could possibly be considered dirty.
So what happens? We put on a face. We shove things underneath rugs or in dark closets where they are kept hidden.  I can't imagine how this must trouble the heart of God. He knows we are messy! He sees it everytime we open that junky closet to throw something else in there. We don't need to be clean of our messes to worship, to meet with the God who sees all, who knows all and still loves us.
Please do not misunderstand me here, I love Psalm 24. I know that those with clean hands and a pure heart are the ones who are allowed to ascend the hill of the Lord and stand in the His holy place. But we are not the ones who make our own hands clean. We are not able to refine our own hearts. The One which we are trying to hide our mess from, He is the only One who is able to wash us, to make us clean and pure. We do not possess enough good will on our own to even begin that process. The only thing we can do it surrender. To give what we have that day and worship with that, no matter what it looks like.
Sunday morning worship looked much different for me this week after processing through these thoughts. I went with my mess and said I'm sorry Lord, this is what I have but I want a pure heart and clean hands. Outwardly nothing happened, but inwardly I felt so free from the weight of my mess. I was free. Being clean is a freeing experience and is so much more important than what goes on the outside. Jesus states so clearly in Matthew 23:26 that we are to first clean the inside and then the outside will be clean. I'm learning that I love a clean inside just as much as I enjoy my OCD clean house. It's a wonderful process!

Fall is here

Growing up I dreaded fall. Summer was my favorite season: there was no school, I went swimming everyday, we took vacations during the summer. As school started I grew uneasy every year. I did not like change at all. I can still remember the summer before I started high school: the nervousness and wanting to never grow up but be a kid forever. I laugh now as I remember.

I think it is because I just moved back to Colorado after a hot ten months in New Mexico that I am so welcoming to the new season this year. I have never liked coffee drinks but have found a new comfort in a Maxwell International lattes lately. JD and I have also given way and been some of the first this season I'm sure to already buy Egg Nog (side note: try the pumpkin spice if you haven't before, it's great!).

For whatever reason I'm becoming a fall fan. JD and I have made some major decisions and changes as far as jobs and location go in the last four months we've been married. I've joked with a couple friends that we've made more life changing decisions already than most do in their first few years of marriage. It has been exciting, but I'm ready to let the busy of summer go and embrace the quiet and stillness of fall. I'm ready to sit, to listen, to have an excuse to bundle up with blankets on the couch for the night, to just be and not do.

Fall also reminds me that a year is beginning to close. I've loved this year but it has been probably one of the most streching of my life and has most certainly required the most faith. Life as I've known it has completely changed a couple times over in the last twelve months so I am ready for some steadiness though I know there is still more change yet to come this year. I will share though, as we began to pray about moving to Castle Rock I was so clearly led to a passage in my hesitance that I've at times clung to in Isaiah 43: 18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way....."

My prayer is that as this season changes I will see and be part of this 'new thing'. I am learning that even when things seem impossible God is so faithful to make a way. I want to make sure I'm walking steadly on that path.